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Post SeasoningSeptember 30th, 2008
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I’ll be honest, I’m no math whiz. But when I tried to figure out what the Rangers’ Magic Number was earlier today, the computer suggested something about a Mr. Peabody and a WayBack Machine. That doesn’t sound promising. But there will be time for an in-depth analysis and name-calling session about the 08 Rangers in a couple of weeks. Right now, with the playoffs bearing down on baseball fans, the most important thing is to figure out who you will cheer for this year.
(By the way, I checked my calendar from last year AND for next year. They are lying to us. There’s not only one October. I call for a full apology.)
Part of the danger in jumping in with a team at this point of the season is the very real chance that they’ll go three and out and then you have to start all over again. I don’t recommend buying a cap or jersey for your new post-season ride. Over the years, I’ve developed a simple system, with points assigned for various categories. Then I decide who I am cheering for and, more often than not, who I am cheering against. (Die, Yankee Scum!) And while a carefully weighted system of pluses and minuses would be ideal, again, no reason to stress the limited math resources available in my head. As such, here you go:
Angels: On the positive side, they did win 100 games. They play hard, and their manager plays the game the right way. However, they’ve got Traiter Tex and GMJ, neither of whom helped us to the playoffs. And they are in our division. Boo, Angels.
Red Sox: On the plus side, they’ve got Fenway, Sweet Caroline, they ditched Manny and made it work, and they aren’t the Yankees. On the minus side, there’s the smugness of Red Sox Nation, the overwhelming athletic superiority of the region lately, and most importantly, they really are the Yankees these days. Boo, Red Sox.
WSox/Twins: Hey, if neither one of you wants it, why should I want it for you? The Twins probably move onto the slightly positive side, but the WSox drop below the Angels. Their manager is a foul-mouthed moron, and while I’m not against a colorful figure in the game, I don’t have to cheer for them. Boo, AL Central.
Rays: On the positive side, its always fun to watch a team come out of nowhere, especially since they won the division vs. the Yankees and the Yankees-NE Division. And you have to feel sorry for Evan Longoria. What are the odds that a budding superstar would have a name so close to the hottest TV star on the planet? He’s waited all his life for this shot, and now he just gets buried with “Desperate Housewives” jokes. On the minus side, the local fan base doesn’t deserve a title, the stadium would have been a dump 30 years ago, and I’m just not ready to see ANOTHER new team win a title when the Rangers can’t even get near it. Boo, American League.
Phillies: Plus points for the fact they’ve goosed the Mets two years in a row, they have an incredible line-up of young talent with Rollins, Utley, and Howard, and the fact that Jamie Moyer is pitching for them, wearing #50 to celebrate his age. On the negative side, it’s Philly. And trust me, that is more than enough. Sorry, Adrienne. Boo, Phillies.
Brewers: Missed the playoffs for 26 years. Ouch. Lots of coverage of special playoff-edition Sausage Races. Cool. CC Sabathia comes in and doesn’t lose anything but his punctuation. Sweet. Bud Selig. Whoops, just threw up in my own mouth. And most importantly, on my visit to Milwaukee last year, I’ve never seen a city with more spiders. Boo, Brewers. Boo!!!!
Dodgers: On the plus side, it’s LA, it’s Joe Torre sticking it to the Yankees, and it’s Manny being Manny. On the neg side, it’s LA, it’s Joe Torre, and it’s Manny being Manny because Manny was being a TankJob in Boston. Can I really cheer for someone who dogged it to get out of the defending World Series champions line-up? I don’t think so. But I do already own a hat from a visit to Dodger Stadium, so we’ll see. Tepid cheer, Dodgers.
Cubs: On the plus side, you’ve got Wrigley Field, Ernie Banks, Kerry Woods, Lou Pinella, a cool-looking logo, and the chance to drive the price out of Mark Cuban’s range. On the negative side, you’ve got your Cubbie-loving yuppie scum, an enormously crowded band wagon, and the last good curse running in baseball right now. I mean, after Boston and the White Sox won, the Cubs goat/Bartman business is the best we’ve got left. But in my heart, I think the long-suffering should be rewarded. GO, CUBBIES!
So, officially mark me down as cheering for the winner of the CHC-LA series, being against most of the American League, and openly pulling for a competitive, well-played, and exciting World Series that goes the distance, all 8 games. (I told you. I’m bad at math….)
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